Tips On How To Support Someone With Avoidant Attachment

Tip #1: Educate Yourself On Avoidant Attachment

  • Learn more about adult attachment styles and how this shows up in a person and relationship

  • Learn how attachment styles impact one another in a romantic relationship (avoidant partner with anxious partner, anxious partner with anxious partner, avoidant partner with avoidant partner, etc.)

  • You can read books, articles, listen to podcasts, and browse the resources below at the bottom of this page

  • Attachment styles

  • Avoidant attachment

Tip #2: Understand Avoidance Is A Form Of Self Regulation

  • Self regulation is a skill used to manage overwhelming thoughts and feelings

  • Avoidance strategies can include the following:

    • Going inside/internally

    • Pulling away

    • Withdrawing

    • Isolation

    • Needing time

    • Needing space alone and away from others

    • Needing physical and emotional distance

    • And more

Tip #3: Respect Their Boundaries  & Understand Your Own Boundaries

  • Ask them what their boundaries are. This can include:

    • What feels good for you?

    • What doesn’t feel good for you?

    • What do you like?

    • What do you not like?

  • Understand your own boundaries and ask for what you need

  • Realize and understand this may not be reciprocated

  • Understand you cannot change another person

  • Understand your own limitations

  • While vulnerability is the goal, it is not expected

Tip #4: Patience & Understanding

  • Be patient

  • Avoid pressuring them and making demands

  • Try to avoid ultimatums and threats

  • Offer support in a way that is doable for you

  • Ask questions

  • Be curious

  • Give them space

  • Give them time

Tip #5: Seek Professional & Personal Support

  • Find a licensed therapist who can help

  • Seek out a support group

  • Talk to trusted people, friends, and family

Tip #6: Be Honest Of Your Own Needs & Take Care Of Yourself

  • It’s important to understand your own limitations

  • Be honest when things aren’t working for you

  • Just because

  • It’s also important for you to take good care of yourself

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Common Avoidant Attachment Triggers

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How To Support Someone With Childhood Trauma