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Grief & Loss Therapy

The Pain Of Loss Is Ongoing

Does this sound familiar?

You are aching and hurting.

The pain is unbearable. Time has slowed down. It feels like moments are days and days are weeks. You are reacting to a change, death, adjustment and feelings of fear, anger, and deep sadness are arising.

Loss can come in many different forms. Grief is commonly associated with someone dying. However, you can experience grief from any loss.

It might be hard to explain to others what happened and why you’re so upset. Losing something important to you hurts, regardless of what it was or how it happened. 

Grief and Loss Examples

  • Death of a loved one

  • Loss of safety and trust

  • Loss of health due to illness

  • Loss of ability and independence

  • Assimilation

  • Loss of cultural ties, language, customs

  • Loss of identity, role, status, meaning

  • Losing or changing jobs

  • Loss of financial security

  • Moving or leaving home

  • Pet loss

  • Divorce

  • Separation

  • End or change in a relationship

  • Infertility/End of a Pregnancy

  • Adoption

  • Foster care

Are These Common Experiences?

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  • Pauline Boss coined the term “ambiguous loss” and invented a new field within psychology to name the reality that every loss does not hold a promise of anything like resolution.

    Amid the Covid-19 pandemic, there are so many losses — from deaths that could not be mourned, to the very structure of our days, to a sudden crash of what felt like solid careers and plans and dreams.

    This conversation is full of practical intelligence for shedding assumptions about how we should be feeling and acting as these only serve to deepen stress.

    Ambiguous loss can include:

    • Loss of stability, structure, and consistency

    • Loss of financial resources and employment

    • Loss of health due to illness

    From On Being, Navigating life without closure

  • The legacy of trauma lives in today through policies of colonization, imperialism, war, and genocide.

    • Indigenous people have experienced trauma as a result of colonization, including the associated violence and loss of culture and land, as well as subsequent policies such as the forced removal of children.

    • People of the African diasporas have experienced trauma as a result of enslavement, racist government explicit policies such as Redlining as well as implicit and more subtle violent and oppressive methods.

    • Refugees have experienced trauma as a result of war, genocide, and displacement from their homes.

    Examples of historical trauma and loss include:

    • Loss of cultural wisdom, knowledges, and histories

    • Loss of cultural language(s)

    • Loss of identity, role, status, meaning

    • Loss of land

    • Assimilation and acculturation

    Examples of historical and integenerational trauma include:

    • Enslavement and American slavery;

    • Ethnic cleansing and genocide (e.g. The Holocaust, Armenian Massacres, Rwandan genocide, Khmer Rouge killings in Cambodia);

    • Forced relocation, migration, and resettlement;

    • Forced assimilation and family separation (e.g. Native American boarding schools);

    • Structural oppression including: racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, xenophobia;

    • Police violence and systemic incarceration of BIPOC.

    • Loss of mobility

    • Loss of sight/vision

    • Loss of hearing/sound

    • Loss of mental faculties and cognitive functioning

    • Continual loss over time of ability due to progressive health issues and aging

    • Feeling the world is unsafe and unpredictable

    • Hypervigilance

    • Feeling on guard

    • Searching for threats

    • Who am I?

    • Who do I want to be?

    • Shifts in life

    • Life transitions and adjustments

    • Divorce

    • Separation

    • Changing careers

    • Termination of career

    • Retirement

    • Growing up too quickly

    • Skipping childhood developmental stages

    • The exhaustion of resilience

    • The loss of time

    • The loss of innocence

    • Inner child work

    • Reparenting ourselves

    • Feelings of indignation (unfair(

    • Feelings of rage

    • Feelings of sadness

Common Symptoms Of Grief & Loss

Emotional

  • Sadness and yearning

    • A profound sadness is extremely normal, as well as feeling empty and lonely. 

  • Shock: It can be hard to believe what happened and understand your loved one has died. You may even feel “okay” for a while and go on as if you’re loved one is still alive.

  • Anger: Often people may feel angry that their loved one is dead or angry towards their loved one for dying. This is normal. If you feel angry, it’s okay. Try not to judge yourself and experience your emotions.

  • Fear and worry: A significant loss may trigger anxieties about living without your loved one or your own mortality. It can disrupt a sense of security or safety.

  • Guilt: Feeling regret and guilt over what you did or didn’t do while your loved one was still alive. Others feel guilty for simply being alive.

Physical

  • Forgetfulness

  • Crying and sighing

  • Headaches

  • Loss of appetite

  • Difficulty sleeping

  • Weakness

  • Fatigue

Social

  • Feeling detached from others

  • Behaving in ways that are not normal for you

  • Distancing yourself from family and friends

Spiritual

  • Feeling less support and resilience in your religion and spirituality

  • Feeling more support and resilience in your religion and spirituality

  • A shift in values, perspective, and what matters most in life

You don’t get over it      / you just get through it

you don’t get by it        / because you can’t get around it

it doesn’t “get better”  / it just gets different

every day…                 / grief puts on a new face.

- Wendy Feiereisen’s Grief

Grief and Loss Therapy & Counseling Can Help

✔️ Connecting to your culture, rituals, spirituality, religion, and ceremonies as a way of honoring your losses.

✔️ Processing and feeling grief. Naming and expressing your feelings through letter writing, art, and talking.

✔️ Coping and managing feelings and reactions related to your grief. Offering you support during the process of healing and acceptance.

✔️ Taking good care of yourself through kindness, compassion, resting, and being mindful of the need to eat, even if you do not have an appetite.

✔️ Practicing patience. You may not be 100% for some time. You may not be able to work at your normal level of performance. It is not permanent.

✔️ Encouraging you to connect with support groups, family, friends, and other sources of resilience.

Grief for the past, grief for an imagined or wished for future, grief for the difficulty of confronting emotional pain in the present.

Let’s Walk With Together Through The Loss and Pain of Grief

While loss is an inevitable part of life, and grief is a natural part of the healing process, sometimes we get stuck in the cycle of intense sadness, anger, and fear. Although you have experienced a loss and feel you will never be the same, healing is possible. It will take time. There is no way around grief; one has to go through it.

By allowing yourself the space to grieve, it’s possible to find a way to live with your loss and to be able to experience the joys of life that feel impossible.

Reach out today to schedule a consultation.

Still Have Questions?

  • Support Groups

    Books

    • Some clients benefit from brief therapy (1-4 sessions) or short-term therapy (3-6 months) for a single issue.

    • Other clients benefit from long-term therapy (6-12 months+) for more complex issues.

    • We’ll end therapy when your goals have been met, your symptoms have decreased, you want space and time to integrate your learning, and/or at anytime you feel therapy isn’t helpful.

    • Some folks also like to pause and take a break, coming back when necessary.

  • I have 6 years of mental health therapy experience and 7 years of social services experience.

    The bulk of my training and experience has been in the realm and intersections of trauma, relationships, and culture.

  • You might cry. Many people do. And it's completely okay.

    Crying is a normal, helpful, and natural way for our bodies to release pent-up emotions. Crying is a way to let go of the pain, sadness, or frustration you may be carrying inside.

    By crying, you're actually taking a positive step towards healing.

    Or you might not cry. And that’s okay too.

  • While it's possible to work on your own personal healing, therapy offers different benefits that may be difficult to achieve on your own.

    Talking to a friend, reading self-help books, journaling, and scrolling through TikTok and Instagram are all tools. Therapy is another tool.

    Therapists provide:

    • Accountability

    • Support

    • An objective perspective

    • Structure

    • Confidentiality

    • Expertise, skills, and training

    However, some people never go to therapy and live full and complete lives.

    Therapy is only one way, but not the only way, toward healing, growth, and transformation.

    You get to decide if therapy will be an effective and useful tool on your healing journey.

  • For referrals to other therapists, pro-bono (free) therapy, and reduced fee therapy, click here

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