How To Know If Your Therapist Is A Good Fit
There are no strict or hard rules around signs or good fit items to watch out for, but the following can be a good starting point.
Even the best trained therapists may not be a good fit for you because of mismatched personalities, mismatched approach, or some other reason.
I recommend trying 1-3 sessions to get a feel for how it would be to work with the therapist. Sometimes, you can get a gut feeling in just one session.
Signs Of A Good Fit Therapist
You feel understood and validated consistently (vs. being and/or feeling judged)
They are empathetic and kind
They offer you support
Collaborates with you rather than using their power to tell you what to do/how to be
They have flexible boundaries and model them appropriately (vs. rigid or too loose, especially in regard to out of session contact, session length, cancellations, self disclosure, etc.)
They outline their cancellation policy directly
They do not try to be your friend or add you on social media
They do not break your confidentiality unless without good reason (e.g. knowledge of elder or child abuse, intent and time set for suicide)
Gives you options during treatment (different therapeutic approaches, right to file a complaint, right to end treatment at any time, etc.)
Is able to explain their approach/modality and how they are able to help you
Answers questions you may have about treatment, approach, etc.
They work through disagreements and conflicts (ideally in the moment rather than avoiding difficult/challenging topics)
Disagreements are to be expected and normal in any type of relationship
It is the therapist’s responsibility to repair ruptures as they occur
They listen to you (vs. talking over)
They ask you open ended questions to clarify, learn more, and explore(vs. close ended questions that end with yes or no)
You feel comfortable enough with them (vs. feeling uncomfortable around them consistently)
You trust them enough to share more about your internal world slowly over time
You have some sort of hope that things might get better (vs. continued hopelessness)
They talk more about you/focus the session on you (rather than focusing on themselves)
Has specific training and experience to help you with the issue(s) you are presenting with
If they don’t, they will seek consultation or ongoing training to learn more in order to help you
If this still isn’t helping you, they may refer you out to someone else with more training and expertise in your issue/concern
Takes good care of themselves so they can be there for you and help you with your concerns (vs. being burned out and overworked)
Tells you therapy has a beginning, middle, and end. That therapy will end one day. This helps manage expectations.
Is licensed in appropriate local and state guidelines.
This helps you, the consumer of therapy, as it protects you from someone who is not adequately trained or educated
This also helps you because the therapist needs to follow certain guidelines
Continually attends lifelong consultation, workshops, trainings, conferences to expand their skills and knowledge
And more
Therapy Is A Highly Personal Experience
What works for one person may not work as effectively for another person. One person’s preferences will be in opposition to another person’s preferences.
Therapy is a highly personal experience. Not all therapists will be a good fit for your needs, concerns, and goals.
Tips
Meet with a few therapists for an initial 10-15 minute consultation to “shop around” and see who you seem to like/vibe with the most. However, some therapists may not offer a consultation. If they don’t, review their website to get a feel for their practice, personality, and approach.
If you are unsure after one session, either consider a different therapist or set up a follow-up session to clarify your concerns. Do not feel pressured to stay with one therapist.
Even if a therapist has specialized training and extensive experience in what you are seeking, you may not be a good fit due to factors such as personality differences, communication styles, cultural differences, etc.
There are so many types of therapy and therapists out there. As a consumer of therapy, you can do your due diligence and educate yourself on what your rights are and what to expect (see below for more information).
Look out for red flags in therapists. This can include: sexual advances, trying to be your friend, being repeatedly late, making sessions all about them and not you, and so forth.
If you find a therapist you find a good fit, try to stick with therapy at least for 3-6 months. It takes time for thoughts, feelings, and experiences to metabolize and make more sense. These are deeply entrenched patterns you are living with and attempting to alter and change. Practice patience.
Take a break as needed and communicate this need with your therapist. Healing is non linear.
Be as honest as possible with your therapist with what is working, what is not working, and whatever else you might not want to bring up. Feedback is helpful and a good therapist will value this feedback (even if it is not positive).
Try out different types of therapists based on context (e.g. time and place in your life). You might need a different type of therapist during school. Another type of therapist as you are looking for a job. Another type of therapist as you are in a long term relationship. And a different type of therapist when a sudden shift or adjustment occurs in life.
There are no guarantees counseling will solve all problems, or how quickly changes will occur. There are no miracle cures, but it improves the odds, particularly if you start early.