IFS Therapy For Legacy Burdens
Different Types of Burdens
Personal
Absorbed from personal or firsthand experience of trauma, neglect, abuse, attachment wounding
Examples can include: fear of vulnerability, perfectionism, overworking, caretaking, people pleasing, mistrust, etc.
Cultural
Extreme energies, coping strategies, and beliefs that are absorbed from and perpetuated by dominant culture and subcultures in which a person lives
Examples can include: racism, white supremacy, patriarchy, sexism, colorism, ageism, homophobia, transphobia, classism, materialism, individualism, etc.
Legacy
Extreme energies, coping strategies, beliefs, messages, stories & feelings that are passed down through generational lines (ancestors, parents, family members)
Examples can include: victimization of abuse, perpetration of abuse, over working, silence, internalizing feelings and thoughts, pushing through physical/emotional/psychological pain, avoidance, withdrawing from others, mistrust, people pleasing, caretaking, perfectionism, fear of vulnerability/vulnerability is bad, etc.
What Are Legacy Burdens?
Generational transmission of extreme beliefs, feelings, and emotions from one family to another family
They don’t belong to you (started with an earlier family member like grandparents or great parents or parents)
They were passed down to you/inherited from one generation to another (or across multiple generations)
Examples of Legacy Burdens
Rules, values, and loyalties
Conditionality (I need to do X in order to receive X)
“I’ve always done it this way”
“We’ve/our family/our culture/our people have always done it this way”
“I’m unworthy”
“I’m not good enough”
“I’m not loveable enough”
And more
How Does Legacy Burdens Show Up In Someone?
Shame (“I am bad”)
Guilt (“I did something bad”)
Poor sense of Self (Self confidence, Self esteem, Self worth, Self love, Self acceptance, Self compassion)
Vulnerability is challenging
Striving to be perfect (imperfection is bad)
Asking for one’s needs and wants (assertive boundaries)
Having one’s own unique identity and personality and diverting from the family’s status quo (e.g. gender identity, sexuality, career choice, etc.)
Replicating generational patterns that were passed down and modeled to you in a consistent manner
Caretaking
People pleasing
Avoidance
Blaming
Yelling
Perpetrating abuse in relationships consistently
Being a victim/survivor of abuse in relationships consistently
And more
Legacy Gifts & Resilience
We’ve also inherited gifts and resilience from our family and ancestors
Some are positive and have helped us survive and thrive
This can include:
Joy
Humor
Love
Dance and movement
Food and cooking
Tenacity
Music and song
Friendships and relationships
And more
How Do I Discover More Of My Legacy Burdens?
Questions To Ask & Reflect On
How much of this belongs to me? Does this part/energy belong to me? Does it belong to someone else?
When did I start to behave this way?
When did I start to believe these messages?
Did my family experience war?
Did my family experience substance use issues?
Did my family experience mental health issues?
Did my family experience chronic or acute medical health issues?
What were the dominant rules, beliefs, values, and messages in my family?
What behaviors were accepted in my family?
What behaviors were not accepted in my family? How was this punished or received?
How was conflict resolved? Was it addressed? Why or why not?
How Does IFS Help With Legacy Burdens?
Externalizes parts
You get space from the part rather than solely identifying with it
Fosters more understanding of the legacy burden(s).
What is the role of the burden?
What are they trying to protect you from?
Etc.
Can help you unburden the legacy burden when it is appropriate and ready to do so.
Releasing the burdens may be an ongoing process, not a one time experience.
Of course, there are many ways to release and heal legacy burdens outside of IFS therapy. IFS is just one tool. There are many tools toward healing.
And more