The Inner Critic In Internal Family Systems (IFS)

Sep 6

Written By Canh Tran

What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a framework/model/approach to psychotherapy created by Richard Schwartz.
Richard Schwartz began his career as a systemic family therapist and an academic. Grounded in systems thinking, Dr. Schwartz developed Internal Family Systems (IFS) in response to clients’ descriptions of various parts within themselves. He found that when the clients’ parts felt safe and were allowed to relax, the clients would experience spontaneously the qualities of confidence, openness, and compassion that Dr. Schwartz came to call the Self.
IFS focuses on clients’s parts within each person’s mental system.
These parts consist of wounded parts and painful emotions such an anger and shame, and parts that try to control and protect the person from the pain of the wounded parts.
The parts are often in conflict with each other and with one’s core Self, a concept that describes the confident, compassionate, whole person that is at the core of every individual.
IFS focuses on healing the wounded parts and restoring mental balance and harmony by changing the dynamics that create discord among the and the Self.

What Is The Inner Critic?

The inner critic is a part of us that arises due to usually traumatic and/or neglectful experiences
Because the current reality of life is too painful to accept, parts of us emerge to protect us from emotional/physical/psychological harm through judgement/demand/criticism/harshness
It is a skill/coping tool/strategy to keep ourselves safe
When this works temporarily for a few days or weeks or even months, when left interrupted, it can lead to a lifelong pattern of using this skill/strategy/coping method which can impact our relationships with ourselves and others (mistrust, fear of intimacy, our identity, and our self esteem)

7 Types of Inner Critic (From Jay Earley)

14 Common Inner Critic Attacks (From Pete Walker)

PERFECTIONISM TYPES OF ATTACK

ENDANGERMENT ATTACKS

Examples of Inner Critic Strategies/Skills

Examples of How The Inner Critic Protects Us

How To Work With The Inner Critic In Internal Family Systems (IFS)

Introducing yourself to the inner critic part (get to know them)
Updating the inner critic part (let them know how old you are, current life today, what you have achieved, who you live with, what you do for a living, etc.)
Ask for permission
Ask curious questions
Respect their job and role and how they have kept you alive and still keep you alive
Understand their fears and worries related to not criticizing you and loving you unconditionally (what would happen if they were kinder to you instead of critical?)
Where they learned their job to criticize you and others (what made this helpful and still helpful toward living)
Offer them hope (eventually when you have a stronger relationhip with them)
Ask them what they need from you when they are extra critical and judgmental (what would feel good to hear and see from you to reassure them you have their support)
And more

Questions To Ask Your Inner Critic

How are you trying to protect me?
When did you learn this job or role?
What happened during this time/age/period where you had to criticize me to get your needs met?
What would be so scary about not criticizing me?
What would be so scary about practicing kindness toward me?
What are you afraid or worried would happen if you were softer toward me?
If I could offer you another option where you didn’t always have to criticize me 100% of the time to get your needs met, would you be open to that?
Can you share more with me?
Is there anything else you want me to know about what you’ve been dealing with?
And more

Things You Can Do To Offer The Inner Critic A New Experience

Remember

Expect parts of yourself to be hesitant/unsure/in disbelief when you offer them compassion/love/kindness/hope to change. They have done this job often for years and see no other way to get your needs met and to survive.
We are not asking parts to change or give up their job or role. We are offering them more choice and options. They can still continue to engage in these actions/behaviors, but we want to offer them more options so they can feel less stuck and hopeless.
Meeting and introducing yourself to parts is crucial. Parts often feel alone and misunderstood. Spend a good amount of time just being with them and getting to know them without an agenda.
There are many ways to flesh out parts. This can be an image, sound, memory, feeling, sensation, color, etc.
Always come back to compassion and validation. Compassion and validation are the way to sustainable growth and healing.
Healing and change is painfully slow at times so incremental changes will most likely occur
Ongoing work is necessary to continue to heal and change our internal world. This means continuing to practice parts work, engaging in new corrective experiences, and taking good care of yourself.

Read Other Blog Posts

Resources

Canh Tran

Hyper Independence & Childhood Trauma