Transracial Adoptees and Adoption Trauma
Who is a Transracial Adoptee?
Transracial adoption, or interracial adoption, describes any situation in which a family adopts a child of a different race. With changes in cultural norms, transracial adoption has become more and more common over the years, as many adoptive parents no longer feel the need to adopt a child who “looks like them,” whether that child is born domestically or internationally.
There is no singular, universal adoption experience: some of us are very close to our adoptive parents and some of us aren’t. Some of us might want to connect with our birth families and our cultures of origin, and some might not.
Mental Health Issues: Adoption Trauma Issues
Adoptees are four times more likely to attempt suicide than non-adoptees
Trauma: Adoption is a trauma
Adoptees often don’t know their medical histories
Adoptees can struggle with racial isolation
Adoptees don’t want to upset their parents
Grief & Loss: The loss of childhood, home, belonging, community
Internalized oppression: Self-hatred, internal
Questions Transracial Adoptees May Ask Themselves
For transracial adoptees, there may be a desire to meet their birth parents and family which ultimately lead to a fundamental search for home, belonging, and connection.
Medical Information
What is my medical history?
Do I have a predisposition to any hereditary diseases?
Relationship, Identity & Sense of Self
What do my parents look like?
Why did my parents leave me and give me up for adoption?
Who do I belong to? What communities?
Am I worthy?
What is my place in the world?
History & Autobiography
Where was I born?
When was I born?
What are my parents name?
Do I have siblings?
Was I given a name at birth?
Why was I given up for adoption?
Obviously, these questions may never be answered. With that brings deep pain, suffering, and loss.
Questions Transracial Adoptees Can Ask Themselves During Their Search & Reunion Process
What am I looking for?
Am I ready to share my story with a professional?
[If you are still a child], do I have the maturity and professional support to undertake a search?
Are there laws about accessing information in the countries where I was adopted from and to?
Do I recognise that my birth family may have a legal right to remain anonymous?
What are the data protection laws and practices in the countries where I was adopted from and to?
What will I do if laws do not allow a search for origins?
Am I open and prepared as much as is possible?
What professional support is available to prepare and respond to potential discoveries?
Is there an adoptee’s association where I can get support?
Are they able to support me before, during and after my trip to the country from where I was adopted and meeting my birth family?
Is there a list of professionals undertaking search for origins? Or are there any recommendations by professionals?
Is a trained social service professional involved?
Is the entity/professional accredited through an official process?
Does the professional/entity give an impression that it has profitable objectives
[If you are still a child] Did I talk to my adoptive parents about my desire to look for my origins on the Internet?
Do I have a social worker, other professional whom I can turn to or other targeted resources?
Have my adoptive parents been open in the past and answered any questions I have had about my origins?
Am I aware of any local post adoption support services to help me during my search?
Do I have someone to talk to about my feelings, such as feeling anxious, angry, or incomplete due to the lack of contact?
What is the cultural and socio-economic context of the living conditions of my birth family?
Have I researched the culture of my country of origin?→ Have I considered use of an international mediator?
Have I thought about traditional communication such as writing a letter before a first meeting?
Am I open to learn about my birth country?
Am I willing to see my adoption from my birth family’s perspective?
Who will assist me to maintain long-term contact to overcome possible barriers and pressure?
Things Not To Say To a Transracial Adoptee
You don’t look like you’re from here. Where are you really from?
Your parents look different than you. Why don't you look like your parents?
Why don't your parents look like you?
Why are you sad? At least a family adopted you.
You should be grateful for having a family. You have so much to be grateful for.
Look on the bright side.
Things Adoptive Parents Can Do To Affirm Their Adopted Child
Adopting a child from another culture is a beautiful gift, yet there are complex implicit and explicit dynamics that must be constantly addressed, explored, and critiqued. Here are some suggestions for raising a child of a different race:
Practice care and curiosity around your child’s race, ethnicity, and culture
Be active, not passive in what you learn about your child’s experiences (e.g. celebrating holidays, teaching your child about their country of origin)
Acknowledge Differences: Discuss and explore the impacts of race, racism, white supremacy and other -isms and how it may shape their day to day life.
Educate yourself on racism as well as the meaning and effect of white privilege
Validate and believe your child’s experiences of marginalization, oppression, discrimination, and violence (e.g. do not ignore racial differences or practice being color-blind)
Anticipate how others may treat you and your child in public
Be prepared for difficult parenting conversations unique to adoption
Listen, really listen to your child, especially when you don’t know what to say. Sit in silence and practice being present.
Support your child(ren) if they choose to seek out their birth parents and understand more of their stories and histories through talking with them about the possible realities of their search and reunion, their best hopes, what would happen if their hopes don’t come to fruition, and more.
How Adoption-Affirming Therapy Can Help
Co-create a space where you have control of the pace and direction of sessions;
Discussing what adoption has given you and your strengths, resilience, and talents;
Discussing what adoption has taken from you and your many losses, grief, and mourning related to your parents, family, language, and culture;
Understanding your unique and complex adoption experience;
Begin the journey of lifelong decolonization of internalized beliefs toward self-love, peace, and liberation;
Working on impostor syndrome, especially as it relates to ethnicity and racial identity (“I’m not Asian/Black/Latinx enough”);
Giving up perfectionism and what you think you should/have/need to in order to be loved, whole, worthy, and complete;
Actively explore, critique, and examine the impact of adoption and transracial identity on your development;
Sitting on the unanswered questions you have with presence, curiosity, and compassion;
Truth telling and making space for your self and your stories;
Identifying and exploring your attachment styles by discussing how you love, how you ask for what you need, what you expect from others, and how you
Working toward a healthy, secure attachment style through interpersonal awareness with self and others;
Gain insight into trauma patterns and how they influence your current life and relationships and work toward shifting them;
Post-Traumatic Growth: Making meaning out of your experiences and embracing life with purpose.
Therapy For Transracial Adoptees in Seattle, WA
I am a therapist in Seattle, Washington specializing in working with transracial adoptees, especially Asian adoptees (Vietnamese, Korean, Chinese, Japanese, and Filipino).
I realize the trauma and grief related to transracial adoption, understand potential paths for recovery, and realize healing is possible.
The next step is to schedule a free consultation to see if we might be a good fit.
Transracial Adoption Resources
I realize that not everyone is able or willing to for whatever reason to begin counseling at this time.
Below are resources to begin learning what may be occurring in order to make sense of your symptoms and reactions as you consider beginning your healing journey.
Note: The information provided in or through this Website is for educational and informational purposes only and solely as a self-help tool for your own use. The information provided on this page and site is not a replacement for the therapeutic relationship.
Articles
Code Switch: Transracial Adoptees On Their Racial Identity And Sense Of Self
Captures the perspectives of several people who were adopted into households of different racial, ethnic, or cultural backgrounds and the experiences they had when forming their own identity and connecting to their birth culture. The speakers share that most of their adoptive parents lacked the training and awareness necessary to help them form their own racial identity in childhood.
The Personal Is Political: Racial Identity and Racial Justice in Transracial Adoption
Shares the perspective of a Korean woman who was adopted as a child into a white family and did not fully develop her racial or cultural identity until adulthood. The resource offers concrete ways for adoptive parents to help their children embrace their identity, address personal mindsets, and advocate for further racial justice.
Transracial & Transcultural Adoption: Preservation, Policy, and a Personal Perspective
Presents the experience of a woman adopted into a transracial family and then later raising a transcultural family. The author provides questions for families who are interested in transracial adoption to ask themselves, as well as questions adoption professionals should consider when working with children and families of different racial and cultural backgrounds.
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Resources