Online Couples Counseling In Seattle, Washington For Trauma Recovery
Couples Counseling For Trauma Survivors
Trauma is pervasive and shapes our sense of ourselves, the world, our ability to trust, our sense of safety, and how we communicate our internal worlds to others.
I often work with couples where one or both partners have a history of trauma (intergenerational, systemic, developmental, childhood).
Common Trauma Conflicts Include
Feeling unsafe
Mistrust
Avoidance
Difficulty asking for help
Mind reading or assuming
Patterns of sabotage
Emotional dysregulation (difficulty managing overwhelming emotions)
Relational injuries such as infidelity or broken trust
Rebuilding trust and connection
Understanding your cycle (e.g. one partner withdrawing due to the hurt, pain, and betrayal while the other partner pursues through communication and wanting to make things right)
Interrupting cycles of generational traumas
Relational & Interpersonal Trauma Can Include
Rejection
Abandonment
Sexual violence and assault
Racial trauma
Childhood trauma
Emotional neglect
Infidelity and betrayal trauma
Shame
Feeling not good enough and inadequacy
Intergenerational Trauma
Colonization
Concentration camps
War
Torture
Genocide
Enslavement
Forced migration
Poverty
Sexual Assault & Violence
Childhood Abuse
Emotional Neglect
Symptoms of Intergenerational Trauma
Overworking/over functioning
Rage and anger
Chronic anxiety and depression
Complex trauma
Codependency
Counterdependency
Shame
Silence
Avoidance
Scarcity mindset
Grief
Exhaustion and fatigue
Internalized oppression
Colonial mentality
Bodily tension and restriction
Limited expectations about life
Limited expectations about love
Limited expectations of trust in others
Fear that life will end early
Fear that life will end abruptly
Dissociating
Sleep disturbances
Numbing
How Couples Counseling For Trauma Can Help
Providing education on the impacts of trauma on relationships (intimacy, identity, trust)
Learning how to respond to triggers when your partner is triggered
Taking care of yourself when your partner has a history of trauma
Managing conflicts and fights
Increasing play, laughter, and fun despite the burden of heavy and serious topics
Managing thirds (or things outside of your relationship including money, family members, friends, work) so you can create a strong couple bubble
Fostering more curiosity as a method to lifelong learning
Becoming the expert on each other so you know exactly what to do outside of session (what makes them happy, what makes them sad, how to disarm and de escalate them when they are overwhelmed)
Explicitly understanding shared values and foundation (why are you two together, what are your similarities and differences, what sort of vision you have for your life together, your life goals)
Make agreements in a sustainable way taking into account both your needs and preferences
When Is Couples Therapy Not Helpful Or Effective?
When there is active domestic violence and intimate partner violence
When there is abuse of any kind including physical, emotional, psychological. Sessions can be used to manipulate the therapist, the survivor, and can make the issues worse and exercerbated
When there is active infidelity or betrayal
When one or both partner is in active addiction or problematic use or behaviors including sex, pornography, gambling, substance use and it is untreated
When one or both partner has an untreated mental health issue
When Is Couples Therapy Most Helpful?
When there is a good fit between the couple and therapist which leads to better trust and a stronger therapeutic relationship (personality fit, cultural fit, approach/style fit, agreement on the goals and what to be worked on)
When the couple is open to learning, feedback, and suggestions
When the couple does the work outside of sessions including trying new skills/tools, experiments, ways of thinking, ways of relating, etc.
When the couple solicits feedback about what is working and does not work in session
When you seek out help as soon as possible. Research Shows Most Couples Wait On Average 7 Years To Seek Out Professional Help
Online Couples Therapy In Seattle, Washington
Relationships are the foundation of our lives. Esther Perel states, “The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives”.
I am a Seattle based relationship and couples therapist specializing in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and Relational Cultural Therapy (RCT).
Improve the quality of your relationships by learning healthy communication skills, ways to assert your boundaries, and stop sabotaging your relationships.
I will help you deepen your mutual understanding and foster a respectful and loving relationship with yourself and your partners (platonic and romantic).
Please reach out today to schedule a consultation.
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