Multicultural Couples Therapy

From Competency to Affirming Care

Culture shapes every aspect of our lives, therefore it is crucial and mandatory to consider and center these issues when working with relationships and couples.

Competency will be very difficult, if not impossible to achieve because perfection doesn't exist. The focus should be on a active (not passive), lifelong (not attending one or two training), and providing affirming care (competency is the aspiration).

Here are some examples of how culture shows up between couples and in the therapy room.

Couples Therapy: Differences in Cultural, Racial, Financial, Sexual, And Religious Influences

• Differing Childhoods & Upbringings

  • Growing up in an emotionally invalidating, physically, and sexually abusive household vs. secure and healthy environment

  • Growing up where chaos, violence, assault was normalized vs. an environment where this was not normalized

  • Growing up with one parent/caregiver vs. two or multiple parents/caregivers

  • Growing up where transitions and moving was the norm vs. being raised in the same home for entire life

  • Growing up where emotions were denied, minimized, criticized vs. where emotions were valued, important, and made space for

  • Growing up with a parent/caregiver experiencing mental health or substance use issues vs. a parent/caregiver who didn’t experience such concerns

• Differing Coping Strategies

  • Wanting to discuss conflict in the moment versus avoidance of conflict.

  • Using logic to solve problems vs. exploring and sharing emotions (explainers vs. experiencers).

• Variation in Display of Emotions

  • Differences in displays of affection and emotions.

  • Verbal and non-verbal expressions (e.g. silent when angry, aversion to conflict, shame).

• Finances:

  • Differences in your relationship with money and material resources.

  • Scarcity, growing up poor versus over spending and growing up financially privileged.

• Migration History & Acculturation Issues:

  • Being born overseas versus being born in the United States

  • Citizenship and undocumented status

  • Forced migration versus migration for education or career

  • First generation versus second generation.

• Relationship Structures

  • Exploring the possibility of or navigating a polyamorous or open relationship.

  • Understanding nuances and complexities of polyamory in a sex-positive, non-judgmental way.

• Prioritizing Family

  • Greater emphasis on the involvement and interaction of extended family members in your relationship (e.g. family members living with you).

  • Lack of boundaries around immediate and extended family members (e.g. enmeshment, codependency, lack of privacy, over sharing information).

• Religious Practices

  • Coming from different religious backgrounds.

• Mismatched Cultural Expectations

  • Expectations and assumptions around gender roles, involvement of extended family, emotional expression, and communication styles.

• Language & Miscommunication

  • Feeling excluded from your partner’s family of origin, particularly if you are not fluent in your partner family's native language.

  • Being triggered by your partner’s verbal or non-verbal communication style based on past traumatic experiences.

• Sexuality & Identity

  • “Coming out” as queer, gay, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, gender queer, non binary, and/or trans during the relationship; navigating new terrains in regards to desire, space, and identity.

  • Exploring racial identity development and how it relates to partner’s whiteness.

  • Exploring gender roles, expectations, and dynamics.