I Don’t Know What To Talk About In Therapy

Jan 11

Written By Canh Tran

Possible Reasons Why People Don’t Know What To Talk About In Therapy

You may be uncertain about your therapy goals or what you hope to achieve through the process. Without a clear focus, it can be harder to identify specific topics for discussion.
Take some time to reflect on what you'd like to work on in therapy and communicate your goals with your therapist. You can also review your treatment plan, progress you’ve made so far, continued challenges, and keep or change your goals as needed.
If you feel like you’ve achieved all your goals and have no new goals, this may be a sign you don’t need therapy anymore.

Life can be very overwhelming due to our professional and personal commitments.
The sheer volume of things happening in your life might be overwhelming, causing difficulty in deciding where to start.

The fear of being judged or misunderstood can make it difficult to open up in therapy.
Sometimes we fear being judged when we want to discuss sensitive topics such as sex, intimacy, identity, guilt, trust, and shame.
Therapists are trained professionals who are there to support you without judgment. You might also consider if you and your therapist are a good fit for one another.

Opening up and exploring personal thoughts and emotions can be intimidating.
Some individuals fear making space for emotions can lead to a flood of overwhelming emotions where they may lose control.

Some individuals find it challenging to identify and express their emotions. If you're unsure about what you're feeling or struggle to put it into words, it can be harder to initiate discussions in therapy.
Your therapist can help you explore and identify your emotions, providing guidance along the way.

Sometimes, the lack of clarity in what to talk about can be a form of avoidance.
Certain topics or emotions may be uncomfortable to address, and your mind might unintentionally steer away from them.
Recognizing and discussing this avoidance pattern with your therapist can help you delve deeper into these important areas.

The fear of being “too much” can make it difficult to open up in therapy.
This can show up as over sharing or under sharing.
This can be a result of past experiences of rejection and invalidation where individuals were told explicitly or implicitly that they or their thoughts and feelings were “too much”.

The fear of rejection or abandonment can make it difficult to open up in therapy.
Some individuals worry if they are truly honest with their therapist and themselves, they would be rejected.

Anxiety can lead to ruminating thoughts, panic, worry, irritability, and shakiness which impacts therapy.
Some clients feel anxious before, during, and after therapy and this can impact how they show up and their ability to communicate what they need or want.

Some people find it hard to have a consistent space for themselves because in their life, they are the caregivers and caretaker.
Being uncomfortable with the spotlight can make some clients feel unsure what to discuss.

Some individuals have a pattern of seeking external validation from others as a way of getting their needs met.
Because therapy is very one-sided in that the client does most of the talking and sharing, this can be uncomfortable for clients with a history of people pleasing or appeasing .

Can you remind me what you wanted to work on when we started therapy? Are we working toward your goals?
Tell me what’s in your mind right now.
Is there a right or wrong thing to talk about?
What’s it like for you to have a space that’s focused solely on you?
What is it like for you to show up in therapy and not know what to talk about?
What do you see as my role as your therapist?
What do you expect from me as your therapist?
What happens for you before our sessions?
What are you avoiding?
What would it be like if you did have something to talk about today?
There’s a part of you that’s unsure what to bring up and talk about right now. Is that right?
Let’s brainstorm things to talk about together.
(Be silent with them)
(Ask them to take a breath and slow down)
(Reassure them that it’s okay not to know and that’s common)

Journal outside of session or keep track of your thoughts and feelings on a your phone
Send journal entries to your therapist if it’s too difficult to bring them up in session
Focus on the good stuff happening in your life in session if there are no stressors or concerns
Be honest with yourself
Be honest with your therapist
Practice patience
Practice self compassion
Remind yourself this is a common thing that occurs in therapy
Remind yourself why you sought out therapy initially and your goals
Free associate or just talk about whatever comes to mind first

Canh Tran