How To End Therapy & End Your Relationship With Your Therapist.

Therapy can be a very strange and also meaningful experience. 

While transactional and one-sided in many ways, it can also be deeply connecting, meaningful, and valuable, especially when you find a good fit therapist. 

Endings in particular for many people, especially when they’ve had a history of trauma, abuse, neglect, and invalidation. 

Some clients “ghost” their clients when conflict, intense feelings, and disagreements occur. Or perhaps if they feel misunderstood, instead of bringing it up directly to the therapist, they internalize it and these feelings grow larger and stronger. Perhaps they internalize these feelings until it overwhelms them and compels them to end therapy, which makes sense, yet can also be ineffective in terms of replicating past relational patterns. 

When Is It Time To End Therapy?

• When you meet and achieve your goals you initially wanted to work on

• When sessions begin to feel more casual like talking to a friend

• When you have very little or nothing to say or bring up to session 

• When you aren’t getting better or making progress and have had a discussion with your therapist about lack of progress

• When you are being harmed in therapy 

  • Examples: Poor boundaries, therapist treating you as a friend, therapist judging you, therapist abusing you, etc.

• Because you want to end therapy (no other reason needed) 

Your Rights As A Client In Therapy

• You can end therapy anytime you want without notifying your therapist 

• You can file a complaint to the state’s board for therapist unprofessional conduct

What Is Unprofessional Conduct?

• Unprofessional conduct can include:

  • No license to practice therapy 

  • Misrepresenting self 

  • Practicing beyond the scope of the therapist’s license (e.g. a therapist prescribing medication or soliciting medical advice)

  • False advertising

  • Fraud

  • Betraying client confidentiality without adequate reasons (e.g. no intent to harm self, no intent to harm others, no knowledge of child abuse, no knowledge of adult abuse, etc.)

  • Having sex with a client

  • Abusing a client (emotionally, psychologically, physically) 

  • Using substances while on the job

  • And more

• For a list of unprofessional conduct in Washington state, visit https://app.leg.wa.gov/rcw/default.aspx?cite=18.235.130 

Endings Are Different For Everyone

• Some clients avoid endings because of past experiences of grief, loss, rejection, abandonment, etc.

• Some clients rely on their therapist and fear not having them as a source of support anymore

• Some clients have never had a healthy ending and closure before

Healthy Endings & Goodbyes

• Can be an opportunity for you to state your feelings and thoughts 

• Can be an opportunity for you to feel more deeply feelings around endings and goodbyes 

• Can be an opportunity to receive closure in the therapeutic relationship 

• Can be an opportunity for you to express gratitude 

• Can be an opportunity for you to summarize your work and progress

• Can be an opportunity to revisit continued areas of growth and barriers/challenges

How Therapists Can Effectively Use Endings To Offer A New Healthy or Corrective Experience

• Focus on the client’s experience

• Focus on the client’s feelings

• Understand how their own relationship to endings and goodbyes may interfere and show up in session

• Process and explore their own “stuff” around endings and goodbyes to avoid a reenactment (past experience replicating as a current experience with a client) 

• Let their clients matter to them (don’t just focus on summarizing and reviewing progress/changes/barriers, but also the personal aspects of the relationship)

Questions To Ask Yourself As A Client

• How do relationships end for me? Do I leave people? Do people leave me? 

• How do I want to say goodbye to my therapist?

• How do I express my feelings around loss, closure, and endings? 

• How easy or difficult is it for me to tolerate feelings of discomfort when saying goodbye?

• Do I tend to avoid goodbyes and endings? 

Tips For Ending Your Relationship With Your Therapist

• Be honest

• Be direct

• Be concise 

• Just tell your therapist 

• You don’t need to explain why if you don’t want to

• Soliciting feedback to your therapist helps them become a better therapist and work on areas they can improve on (though this is optional and you don’t need to)

• Focus on yourself and your needs, not your therapist’s 

• Use “I” statements 

• Summarize what you’ve learned or found most meaningful and valuable in the work so far

• If therapy was not effective, what was lacking that you can identify so you can ask for this in future therapy experiences? 

Sample Ending Therapy Templates

Dear therapist,

I’d like to end therapy with you. Tomorrow will be our last session.

Sincerely,

Client

Dear therapist,

I do not find therapy helpful anymore. I will be ending our sessions.

Sincerely,

Client

Dear therapist,

I would like to end therapy/take a break from therapy at this time.

Sincerely,

Client

Dear therapist,

Thank you for all your help. I no longer am interested in continuing services with you.

Sincerely,

Client