ONLINE THERAPY IN WASHINGTON STATE & California

Multicultural Couples Therapy

Strengthen Your Relationships & Resolve Conflicts

You’re Seeking Culturally Responsive Therapy

Culture shapes every aspect of our lives, therefore it’s importan to consider and center these issues when working with relationships.

Competency will be very difficult, if not impossible to achieve because perfection doesn't exist.

The focus should be on a active (not passive), lifelong (not attending one or two training), and providing affirming care (competency is the aspiration).

*I work with 2 people at a time. This can include romantic relationships, work relationships, siblings, and any sort of dyad (e.g. parent-child). I am polyamory & kink affirming.

Your Differences Are Creating Conflict

Differing Upbringings

  • Growing up in an abusive and neglectful environment vs. secure and healthy environment.

  • Growing up with one parent/caregiver vs. two or multiple parents/caregivers.

  • Growing up where moving was the norm vs. being raised in the same home for entire life.

  • Growing up where emotions were denied, minimized, criticized vs. where emotions were valued, important, and made space for.

  • Growing up with a caregiver experiencing mental health or substance use issues vs. a parent/caregiver who didn’t experience such concerns.

Differing Coping Strategies

  • Wanting to discuss conflict in the moment versus avoidance of conflict.

  • Using logic to solve problems vs. exploring and sharing emotions (explainers vs. experiencers)

Religious Practices

  • Coming from different religious backgrounds.

Variation in Display of Emotions

  • Differences in displays of affection and emotions.

    Verbal and non-verbal expressions (e.g. silent when angry, aversion to conflict, shame).

Sexuality & Identity

  • “Coming out” as queer, gay, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, gender queer, non binary, and/or trans during the relationship; navigating new terrains in regards to desire, space, and identity.

  • Exploring racial identity development and how it relates to partner’s whiteness.

  • Exploring gender roles, expectations, and dynamics.

Finances

  • Differences in your relationship with money and material resources.

  • Scarcity, growing up poor versus over spending and growing up financially privileged.

Migration History & Acculturation Issues

  • Being born overseas versus being born in the United States.

  • Forced migration versus migration for education or career.

  • First generation versus second generation.

Relationship Structures

  • Exploring the possibility of or navigating a polyamorous or open relationship.

  • Understanding nuances and complexities of polyamory in a sex-positive, non-judgmental way.

Prioritizing Family

  • Greater emphasis on the involvement and interaction of extended family members in your relationship (e.g. family members living with you).

  • Lack of boundaries around immediate and extended family members (e.g. enmeshment, codependency, lack of privacy, over sharing information).

Mismatched Cultural Expectations

  • Expectations and assumptions around gender roles, involvement of extended family, emotional expression, and communication styles.

Language & Miscommunication

  • Feeling excluded from your partner’s family of origin, particularly if you are not fluent in your partner family's native language.

    Being triggered by your partner’s verbal or non-verbal communication style based on past traumatic experiences.

Impacts of Trauma

  • You want to better understand how trauma impacts your relationship (identity, esteem, intimacy, trust).

  • You want to better manage your triggers.

Couples Therapy Can Help You

✔️ Fight more effectively, manage and deescalate conflict

✔️ Increase healthy communication and boundaries

✔️ Increase intimacy and vulnerability

✔️ Rebuild trust

✔️ Parent healthier children after surviving a traumatic childhood

✔️ Understand yourself and your partner better

Healing Is Possible

There is hope.

I’ve worked with couples with a history of trauma who are now able to manage their triggers, de-escalate, and connect to one another with joy and freedom.

I’ve worked with survivors of trauma who are now parents who want to parent healthier children and break the cycle of trauma.

I’ve worked with therapists and social workers who are wounded healers.

I’ve work with professionals who feel exhausted, overwhelmed, burnt out, and want to take better care of themselves and have stronger relationships.

I’ve worked with couples who are about to get married and want to better understand their partners and their relationship to sex, finances, career, children, faith, and division of labor.

Couples therapy is an effective way to learn healthier skills, manage major life transitions and changes, learn ways of relating, and better understand one another.

Reach out today to schedule a consultation.

Is Couples Therapy Right For Us?

Couples therapy is hard work and requires mutual commitment, honesty, the ability to step back, reflect on your own contribution to the cycle of conflict, time, effort, and money.

I do not work with couples in active domestic violence/intimate partner violence.

Therapy is not the right fit for all couples.

There are other options available such as

  • Retreats

  • Workshops

  • Intensives (longer than 1 hour sessions, usually 3-6 hours at once)

  • Coaching

  • Discernment counseling (if one of you is considering divorcing/separating and unsure)

For referrals to other couples therapists, click here

Still Have Questions?

  • Worksheets

    Videos

    Podcasts

  • We Might NOT Be A Good Fit If:

    • There is active domestic violence/intimate partner violence

    • One of you doesn’t want to engage in therapy

    • You blame, shame, manipulate the other person without looking at yourself

    • You want to change your partner instead of looking at yourself

    • You don’t take accountability for your role in the cycle of conflict and tension

    • You’re already out of the relationship and want to attend therapy to check the box of all options off before formally ending it

    • Not wanting to work on the issues because it requires:

      • Time

      • Effort

      • Money

      • Work (emotional, physical)

      • Practice/repetition

      • Changing the status quo (new roles/rituals will be established) and in some way, you enjoy the current situation because it’s comfortable and familiar

      • Deep inside, you don’t want to the relationship to work out

  • You can consider:

    • Discernment counseling which helps relationships where one partner is leaning towards separating and the other is not and wants to stay together. This form of counseling is great for “tough clients”

    • Individual therapy which can help you learn, explore, and assess your own relationship issues (boundaries, communication, emotions, attachment) and how they show up in your current relationship

    • Self knowledge through reading books, listening to podcasts, watching videos, etc.

    Attending couples counseling where one partner is unsure/doesn’t want to attend will not be helpful because it takes commitment to the process for couples therapy to be effective.

    In some cases, it can actually be ineffective and harmful.

    Discernment counseling would be a better fit. I am not trained in discernment counseling.

  • I do not work with couples/relationships in active domestic violence/intimate partner violence, narcissistic abuse, and where active infidelity is occurring.

    Before other issues in the relationship can be effectively addressed the abusive behavior must end.

    Domestic violence is defined as “a pattern of coercive behavior used by one person to control and subordinate another in an intimate relationship. These behaviors may include physical, sexual, psychological, and economic abuse” (Oregon Domestic Violence Council).

    • Most couples see me for about 3-6 months.

    • Some couples seek consultation and see me for 1-2 sessions.

    • The most common reasons for seeking consultation include:

      • Wanting to better understand a recent PTSD or CPTSD/Complex Trauma diagnosis and how it impacts the relationship.

      • Wanting to better understand how mental health (anxiety, depression) impacts the relationship.

  • Therapeutic success/effectiveness depends on a variety of factors including:

    • Fit between couple/dyad and therapist (personality, culture, values, approach, style)

    • Readiness for change

    • Motivation

    • Ability to self reflect

    • Honesty

    • How long issues have been festering

    • Expectations (and if they are realistic)

    • Goals

  • You can expect me to:

    • Listen to both of you and not take sides

    • Show up on time

    • Be present

    • Actively listen

    • Intervene when necessary

    • Offer you my perspective on where you get stuck

    • Offer you skills and new ways to relate to one another

    • Inquire and ask for feedback regarding our work together

    My job as a therapist in session is to:

    • Facilitate and improve your communication

    • Attempt to shift and change inflexible roles, rituals, and rules

    • Reduce emotional reactivity to reflectivity

    • Understand and disrupt your stuck points and where you tend to fight, have conflict, and moments of tension

    • Provide you healthy skills and tools

    • Provide you knowledge and education of what may be happening

  • My No Secrets policy is based upon the premise that when I agree to work with a couple or relationship, I consider that relationship/couple to be the patient.

    Whatever is shared outside of session will not be held as a secret.

  • We Might Be A Good Fit If:

    • You’re seeking a direct therapist who can challenge you

    • You value honesty and authenticity

    • You’re honest and understand the limitations of what couples therapy can and cannot do

    • You’re seeking a therapist who incorporates and explores how difference, trauma, oppression, power, privilege and how it shows up within your relationship

    • You value accountability: It is up to you and your partner how much work you put in and outside of session, take responsibility for your portion of what is occurring, and make active changes

    • You’re open to new styles of relating and communicating with your partner (experiential exercises, role plays, skills, tools)

    • You want to engage fully in the process of therapy (commitment, vulnerability, flexibility, openness)

    • You want to be in the relationship and not be right 100% of the time (power and control issues)

    • Have achievable goals and expectations (therapy is not a magic wand/fix; I am a guide, accompanier, teacher on your journey)

    • You’re patient: It may take multiple sessions to feel progress (don’t expect instantaneous results in one session)

  • For referrals to other therapists, pro-bono (free) therapy, and reduced fee therapy, click here

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