9 Signs You Are In Trauma Survival Mode
These are some long term survival mode on your body, but is not exhaustive.
It is from both my professional experience as a therapist for the last 6 years as well the various trauma trainings I’ve attended over the years (Somatic Experiencing, Cognitive Processing Therapy, Internal Family Systems, Trauma Informed Care, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Common Elements Treatment Approach, etc.).
Need for Control
Finding it difficult to relinquish control
When you do give up control, you feel an increase in distress, panic, worry and anxiety
Wanting to control others by doing everything, believing there’s only one way to do things, judging others, etc.
Control is a survival method/tool/skill that has consistently helped you survive and mange your distress and overwhelming feelings and thoughts
Extreme Catastrophic Thoughts
You have extreme thoughts
You find it difficult to have flexible thoughts
Some examples are below
Sample Cognitive Distortions
All or Nothing Thinking: You look at things, people, and experiences in absolute or binary ways.
“I hate you all the time” or “I love you all the time”
“You hate me all the time” or “You love me all the time”
“You should X” or “You should not X”
“Since I made a mistake, this must mean I can’t do anything right”
And more
Overgeneralization: You view a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
“You always”
“You never”
Discounting the Positives
Only focusing on the negative
Confirmation bias
When you do focus on the positives, you dismiss it as a rarity, due to luck, or some other happenstance
Your mind is constantly focused on the negative and extreme worse case scenarios
Jumping to Conclusions
Mind reading
Assuming things rather than asking
Difficulty With Silence & Stillness
Silence can feel uncomfortable and excruciating for survivors of trauma
Meditation or mindfulness can be challenging, difficult, and in some cases, can be more harmful due to lack of internal safety you feel inside
Needing to always do something and move around
Finding it difficult to relax and destress on days off
Your mind is always racing and thinking
Your body is constantly on alert and tense
Impatience
Urgency & Rushing
Feeling like there’s always something to do
Difficulty slowing down and being still (see #3 above)
A sense of hypervigilance that something is wrong, something bad will happen, and needing to scan your physical environment constantly
Self Sabotage
Knowing you prob
Incongruence
The inside may not match the outside
You may say things that you don’t truly believe, but say so due to wanting to protect yourself
You may do things that you don’t necessarily want to do, but say so due to wanting to protect yourself
You aren’t authentic to yourself
You may people please others and fawn to get your needs met and protect yourself
You may take care of others at an extreme
You may find it difficult to receive help, love, care, kindness, but easily provide it to others
And more
Inner Critic & Judger
There’s a part of you that judges, shames, demands, and labels you harshly
You may also judge, shame, and label others as well expecting them to live up to your perfect expectations that cannot be met consistently
Perhaps you were talked to this way growing up by a harsh critic and judger like a parent or caregiver
You learned that compassion, kindness, tenderness were what you always wanted, but it would be too scary and vulnerable to do so
Shame & Guilt
You have the thought there’s something wrong with you as if you’re flawed or broken in some way
You feel unworthy of love, kindness, and compassion from others and yourself
You have the thought like you can’t ever do things the right way
You often feel like things are your fault when things go wrong
You have the thought you could’ve prevented bad things from happening in the past
You have the thought you still can prevent bad things from happening in the present through control, planning, structure, etc.
Self blame is common and rationalizing
“I should have avoided going out at night”
“I should have known better”
“If only I stayed at home, then X wouldn’t have happened”
And more
Disconnection From Body & Sensations
You focus more on your brain/cognitions/thoughts
You avoid or dismiss your feelings and sensations
You find it difficult to connect with your feelings and sensations
When someone asks you how you feel, you often respond with thoughts rather than feelings and emotions
You often feel tense, on edge, and uneasy inside of your body, but this has become a norm for you
Your body is on a constant roller coaster of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn
You are often exhausted and tired even when receiving 7-8 hours of sleep a night
Reminders
Your body has been “stuck” on fight, flight, freeze, fright, or fawn reactions under stress for a long time. Change and growth takes time.
Start small and start slow. Engage in grounding exercises first to get yourself in the here and now/present moment. Look around ever so slowly. Feel your feet on the ground slowly. Really taste what you’re eating. When you listen to music, really listen to the sounds and vibrations. Take a deep breath in and out and notice your body going up and down.
Then spread out to other practices. You can verbally remind yourself you are physically safe and have survived the past experiences of trauma and pain. You can go for a slow walk and notice one foot in front of the other. You can stretch slowly and really feel your bodily limbs.
Validate yourself as much as you can for what you have experienced with kindness and compassion.
Educate yourself on the impacts of trauma. This can help you normalize your experience and feel less alone.
Seek out help from a professional who is licensed if you find it hard to manage on your own.
How To Heal From Trauma Without Therapy (Or In Conjunction To Therapy)
Read more about how to heal from the impacts of trauma in addition to therapy or without therapy here.
Read My Other Blog Posts on Trauma