How Do I Heal From Childhood Trauma?
Learn how awareness, acknowledge, understanding, therapy, self-care, and support can help you overcome the effects of childhood trauma.
Healing from trauma is a deeply personal and complex journey that requires ongoing patience, support, effort, and understanding.
What is Childhood Trauma?
Childhood trauma happens when a child experiences a distressing or harmful event. These events can be big, like a natural disaster or violence, or they can be ongoing, like abuse or neglect.
Sometimes, even seemingly smaller events can have a big impact on a child's emotional physical, and psychological well-being.
Research has shown that childhood trauma can lead to a wide range of physical and mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), substance abuse, self-harm, and relationship difficulties. It can also affect cognitive development, academic performance, and social skills.
Examples of Childhood Trauma
Physical abuse (pushing, hitting, shoving, restraints, throwing items, causing injuries, and more)
Sexual abuse (forced sexual intercourse, unwanted touch, saying sexually inappropriate things, molestation, incest, and more)
Emotional abuse (consistent screaming, threats, criticism, over controlling, overprotecting, blaming, shaming, manipulating, name calling, gaslighting, humiliation, and more)
Emotional neglect (absence, silence, emotional unavailability, invalidating emotions, dismissing emotions, lack of emotional support, ignoring of needs/wants, not meeting basic needs like hygiene, shelter, food, healthcare, education)
Sudden loss or death
Separation
Bullying
Foster care system
Dysfunctional home environments
Traumatic and/or unexpected accidents
Domestic violence
Community violence
Poverty
Natural disasters
Terrorism
War experiences
Refugee experiences
Living with a parent/caregiver with untreated mental health and substance use issues
Growing up with a parent/caregiver who is/was incarcerated
And more
Awareness & Acknowledgment
The first stage of healing from childhood trauma begins with awareness.
It involves acknowledging and accepting the existence of trauma and its impact on your life. This stage may involve recognizing and validating your emotions, experiences, and their connection to the trauma.
Some people are unaware their childhood trauma impacts their issues in the present day. They may even attribute their issues to something else like their personality, temperament, or attitude.
Understand Childhood Trauma
After awareness and acknowledgement, it's important to understand your childhood trauma and what childhood trauma is.
This involves recognizing the impact it has had on your life and identifying the specific events or situations that have caused distress.
Consider keeping a journal to document your thoughts and emotions, which can help you gain clarity and begin the healing process.
Learning more about childhood trauma can empower you to better understand your experiences and facilitate healing.
There are many books, articles, and online resources available that provide valuable insights and strategies. Some recommended books include "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk and "Childhood Disrupted" by Donna Jackson Nakazawa. You’ll find more resources at the end of this blog post.
Read More On Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)
ACEs are events that can happen during childhood and have a significant impact on a person's life, both during childhood and well into adulthood.
ACEs can come in different forms, and they are often stressful or harmful events that occur when we are young.
You can take the ACEs exam at the bottom of this blog post.
Understand & Explore Your Core Beliefs
Core beliefs ways we see ourselves, the world, other people, and the future.
Core beliefs usually develop in childhood and from important life events.
Core beliefs are strong, rigid, and inflexible relying on confirmation bias (seeking out confirmation that supports the belief and ignores the evidence that disputes it).
For example, if a child witnessed abuse growing up, they may feel helpless and vulnerable. As they grow up, they may seek control and power as a way to combat their core belief. When they give up control and something goes wrong, they attribute this to the fact that they gave up some control, thereby reinforcing the initial core belief of “I am helpless and vulnerable”. This in turn, motivates them to regain more control in their life.
Examples of core beliefs include:
I am powerless
I have to be in control. Being out of control is uncomfortable.
I am unloveable
I am defective. Something is wrong with me.
It’s not safe to feel my emotions
The good news is that core beliefs are beliefs, not facts. You can learn ways to increase flexibility with these beliefs, so they don’t affect your life negatively.
The goal is not to get rid of these thoughts, but to notice them and be aware of them as they come up.
You can learn more about core beliefs at the bottom of this blog post.
Learn To Manage Your Emotions
Childhood trauma often leads to heightened emotional responses that can be overwhelming.
Learning and practicing techniques to regulate your emotions can be beneficial.
Deep breathing exercises, grounding techniques, and mindfulness practices can help you stay present, manage anxiety, and respond to triggers in a healthier way.
A good starting guide is to learn what the window of tolerance is and ways to get back into your window of tolerance when you get out of it.
The window of tolerance is a concept referring to a zone where a person can both feel and think in a healthy way without being overwhelmed. In this zone, people are able to relate to others, communicate for what they need, understand what they are thinking, are aware of their emotions, and can regulate themselves without acting out.
When people are in their window of tolerance, they can manage their stress effectively. When people are not in their window of tolerance, they cannot manage stress effectively and thus are overwhelmed or underwhelmed causing them difficulty in their life.
Identify Your Triggers & Vulnerabilities
Write down a list of your triggers and vulnerabilities. Once you know your triggers, you can find ways to calm down yourself down and feel more safe.
Having understanding of why your brain and body reacts in a fearful way can help you with self validation and compassion.
Triggers can include:
A smell
A place
A person
A sound
And more
Some people are more emotionally vulnerable than others because of biology. This means that they feel their emotions more deeply, for longer, and more often than others.
When we identify our vulnerabilities, this can help us with understanding the cycle of when we are emotionally overwhelmed (what happened before the event, what happened during, what happened after).
Vulnerabilities can include:
Not getting enough sleep
Not eating enough
Using substances or alcohol
Stressors (things outside of your control)
Being criticized
Being yelled at
Disagreements
Miscommunication
Losing your job
Being rejected for a job
And more
Your own behaviors and reactions. This can include
Feeling judged
Feeling unwanted
Feeling disconnected
Feeling misunderstood
Feeling unimportant
Shame spiraling
Blaming
Anger
Ruminating and overthinking
Avoidance
Isolation
And more
Avoid & Decrease
Things to consider avoiding and/or decreasing:
Engaging and interacting with unhealthy relationships and people
Using drugs and substances
Long periods of isolation
Long periods of rumination and overthinking
Black and white or binary thinking
And more
Increase & Do More Of
Things to consider increasing and/or doing more of:
Getting consistent consistent sleep
Eating nutritious foods and eating regularly
Movement, walking, yoga, exercise, stretching (anything to be more more in touch with your body)
Connecting with people you trust and love
Have a hobby where you feel more confident and competent (something you get incrementally better at and have a sense of mastery over)
Treat illness as it comes up (rather than avoiding or delaying seeking help)
Problem solving and finding ways to address your problems before they come up
Identifying and working toward your personal values (what and who matters most to you) versus goals
Engage in self compassion when you make a mistake, life is difficult, you face rejection, etc. (rather than self judgement and self criticism)
Healthy boundaries (say no when you don’t want to do something, say yes when you do want to do something, avoid taking on others’ emotional experiences, allow other people to do things for themselves, avoid feeling overly responsible for others)
Assertive communication (ask for what you want, address issues in the moment, avoid mind reading or assuming, wait for people to respond to your request or comment)
Personal expression which can include journaling, writing, drawing, painting, playing games, fashion, music, cooking, etc.
And more
Self Care
Taking care of yourself is crucial during the healing process. Incorporate self-care activities into your routine that promote relaxation, self-compassion, and self-nurturing.
This could include activities such as:
Exercising
Laughing
Planning a vacation
Playing sports
Going to the beach and laying in the sun
Spending time in nature
Going for a walk
Going for a drive
Going on a bike ride
Singing
Listening to music
Watching movies
Practicing mindfulness or meditation
Deep breathing
Taking a bath
Putting on scented lotion
Gardening
Engaging in hobbies you enjoy
Being alone away from others
Simply taking time for yourself to relax and recharge
And more
Self care can also include psychological and emotional ways of taking care of ourselves such as:
Healthy boundaries (setting limits, saying no when we don’t want to do something, saying yes when we have the energy and interest to undertake something)
Assertive communication (versus passive, passive aggressive, and aggressive communication)
Seek Support
Surrounding yourself with supportive and understanding individuals can significantly aid in your healing journey.
Reach out to friends, family members, or support groups who can provide a safe space for you to share your experiences and emotions.
Connecting with others who have experienced similar trauma can be particularly helpful, as they can offer empathy, validation, and insights from their own recovery process.
Seek Professional Help - Research
Engaging with a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor, is an essential step in healing from childhood trauma.
Begin your research by looking up trauma therapies and what to expect in therapy.
Seek Professional Help - Begin Treatment
The hardest part can be actually reaching out and contacting a therapist to beginning treatment.
There are many barriers to seeking treatment including: fear of vulnerability, difficulty asking for help, aversion to trying something new, previous bad experiences in therapy, uncertainty about what to expect, lack of finances, lack of energy, lack of time, perfectionism, and more.
Therapists are trained to guide you through the recovery process and provide support tailored to your needs. They can help you explore coping mechanisms, identify triggers, and develop strategies to manage your emotions effectively.
Post-Traumatic Growth
While trauma can be debilitating, trauma therapists focus not only on healing but also on post-traumatic growth and resilience.
They help clients recognize their strengths, foster a sense of empowerment, and explore opportunities for personal growth and positive change.
Through guidance and support, trauma therapists assist individuals in reclaiming their lives, building resilience, and moving forward with a renewed sense of purpose.
Expect Relapse & Dormancy
Relapse, regression, and going back is part of the healing process.
Nobody is perfect because perfection doesn’t exist.
Conversely, some people have their trauma symptoms go into dormancy when life is going well and they are able to function okay on a daily basis. However, when life stressors occur such as death, illness, financial changes, unemployment, or accidents occurs, trauma symptoms can pop up again making life more difficult to function.
Summary Of Healing From Childhood Trauma
While healing is a personal and individualized journey, many survivors of trauma heal from trauma when:
They are aware, acknowledge, and understand that they experienced childhood trauma and this has tangible impacts on their life
They are able to develop more safety inside of themselves and feel more safe through healthy relationships and practical skills
Are in relationship with other loving, kind, compassionate, and supportive people
Confront what they’ve been avoiding as this helps decrease the fear response and hypervigilance
Take good care of themselves consistently in a holistic way because trauma impacts our mind-body-spirit
Speak and name the truths of their experiences as this can lead to self validation and understanding
They seek out professional help from licensed therapists who are trained in trauma recovery and post traumatic growth
This list includes the following practical steps:
Awareness
Acknowledge
Understanding & Reading More On Childhood Trauma
Exploring Core Beliefs
Managing Emotions
Self Care
Support
Seeking Professional Help
Post Traumatic Growth
Expecting Relapse & Dormancy
Read My Other Blog Posts on Trauma
How Does Childhood Trauma Show Up In Romantic Relationships?
Why Do I Feel Unsafe With Other People As a Survivor of Trauma?
Childhood Trauma and Adult Trust Issues. Why is it hard for me to trust others?
What Is Trauma’s Fawn Response (People Pleasing & Appeasing)