How Trauma Affects Your Self Esteem
What is Self Esteem?
Self-esteem is all about how we see and feel about ourselves.
It's like having a positive opinion of who we are and believing in our own worth and abilities.
Why is Self Esteem Important?
Having healthy self-esteem is important because it affects many aspects of our lives.
When we have high self-esteem, we feel more confident in trying new things, expressing our opinions, and making decisions.
It helps us develop positive relationships and handle challenges and setbacks more effectively.
Isn’t Having High Self Esteem Arrogant?
No. Self-esteem is not about being better than others.
It's about recognizing our own value and treating ourselves with kindness and respect.
When we have high self esteem, we are able to understand our strengths as well as our weaknesses.
Signs of Healthy Self Esteem
Positive Self-Image: People with healthy self-esteem have a positive view of themselves. They accept their strengths and weaknesses and appreciate their unique qualities.
Self-Confidence: Having healthy self-esteem means believing in our abilities and feeling confident to face challenges. We trust ourselves to try new things and believe that we can succeed.
Self-Care and Boundaries: When we value ourselves, we prioritize self-care and set healthy boundaries. We know our limits and take care of our physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
What Happens To Our Self Esteem After Trauma?
Traumatic experiences can shake our sense of self and affect how we feel about ourselves.
When bad things happen to us, we may start believing bad things about ourselves.
Blame: We may feel unworthy, guilty, or blame ourselves for what happened, even if it was not our fault.
Negative Beliefs: Trauma can lead to negative beliefs about ourselves. These negative thoughts can lower our self-esteem and make us doubt our worth.
Mistrust: Trauma can shatter our trust in ourselves, others, and the world around us. It becomes difficult to feel safe and believe that we deserve positive experiences. This lack of trust can erode our self-esteem, making it challenging to rebuild confidence.
Identity: Trauma can disrupt our sense of identity (who we are). We may struggle to define ourselves beyond the traumatic event. This confusion and loss of identity can undermine our self-esteem and make it harder to feel confident in who we are.
How Do I Increase & Build My Self Esteem?
Focus on Your Strengths: Recognize your strengths and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. This helps you build confidence and appreciate your unique qualities.
Practice Self-Care: Take care of yourself by getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, exercising, and engaging in activities that bring you joy. Treat yourself with kindness and respect.
Surround Yourself with Positive People: Spend time with people who uplift and support you. Positive relationships can boost your self-esteem and help you see your worth.
Set Realistic Goals: Break big goals into smaller, achievable steps. When you accomplish these smaller goals, it boosts your confidence and motivates you to keep going.
Common Negative Beliefs Survivors of Trauma Have
I don’t deserve love
I am a bad person
I am really terrible
I’m inadequate and worthless (there’s something off about me)
I’m not worthy
I am stupid and dumb
I’m a loser
I’ll never be successful. What’s the point?
I feel like everyone hates me.
I feel like everyone is judging me.
I deserve to be unhappy
I deserve bad things (waiting for the other shoe to drop)
I don’t belong anywhere (no one understands me)
I am damaged
I am ugly (no one would desire me)
What Are Stuck Points?
Stuck points are thoughts that keep us feeling stuck or prevent us from moving forward healthily.
These thoughts often create a sense of being "stuck" in a certain way of thinking or behaving.
Stuck points can be about ourselves, others, or the world around us.
Stuck points can be unrealistic, unhelpful, or overly critical.
Examples of Stuck Points
All or Nothing/Binary Thinking
Thoughts that are absolute or black-and white.
Examples: I hate everyone. Everyone hates me. I love you. I hate you.
Mind Reading
Assuming or predicting we know what others are thinking without any evidence to support the belief
Also known as jumping to conclusions
Labeling
Criticizing ourselves using a negative name or label
“I’m so dumb”
“I’m a loser”
“I’m broken”
Catastrophizing
Blowing things out of proportion
Also known as magnification
Minimizing
Shrinking things under importance
Also known as discounting the positives
Common Stuck Points
Everyone is evil and out to get me
People are overall bad, uncaring, and out to get the best for themselves
Large parts of a population of people (e.g. all men, all women, all people in power at a company/organization) are bad and disgusting
How Do I Address Stuck Points?
Become Aware
The first step is becoming aware of the negative thoughts keeping us stuck.
By paying attention to our thoughts, we can identify patterns of unhelpful thinking.
Write Down The Negative Beliefs
Getting negative thoughts out of head through writing is powerful
Get a sheet of paper and write down a list of all your negative beliefs and do the following things below
Examine Evidence
Examine the evidence for and against it.
This helps us challenge the accuracy and fairness of our negative beliefs.
We consider alternative perspectives and gather evidence to support more balanced thoughts.
Generate Alternative Thoughts
Work on developing more helpful and realistic thoughts to replace the stuck points.
These new thoughts are often based on evidence and support healthier ways of thinking.
Practice New Thoughts
Through practice and repetition, we reinforce the new thoughts and beliefs.
This helps us create positive changes in our thinking patterns and behavior over time.
Cost Benefit Analysis
Also known as pros and cons
What are the advantages of talking to yourself in this way?
What are the disadvantages of talking to yourself in this way?
Do you feel better or worse after talking to yourself this way?
Do you feel better or worse after talking to yourself in a more realistic way?
Practice Acceptance
We can learn to accept we are imperfect and flawed and also have areas of strengths and resilience.
We can learn to notice, be curious, and accept our thoughts as they arise rather than automatically judging them or attaching to them.
Practice Self Compassion
Treat yourself like you would a good friend
What would you say to a trusted friend that is struggling with their self esteem?
Patience
Change times not just effort and practice, but time
Statements To Practice Saying To Heal Low Self Esteem From Trauma
Sometimes, I make mistakes. Mistakes don’t define me.
I do deserve love.
I deserve good things.
I deserve good people in my life.
I am good/worthy enough.
I deserve to be happy.
I am okay just as I am.
I am important and deserve to take up space in the world.
I am intelligent.
I am lovable.
I am attractive.
If this is still too hard, try these qualifiers:
Even though I don’t believe it yet…
I am learning…
Trauma can have a profound impact on our self-esteem, affecting how we see ourselves and our worth.
However, it's important to remember that healing is possible.
By seeking support, challenging negative thoughts, practicing self-care, building a supportive network, and celebrating your progress, you can nurture healing and rebuild your self-esteem.
Remember, you are not defined by your trauma, and with time and support, you can regain confidence and embrace your worth.
Read My Other Blog Posts on Trauma