You’re struggling to communicate with one another

Your fights are getting longer and are unresolved. Tension is building. You aren’t sure how to express your feelings clearly or listen to your partner without interrupting.

Relationship conflicts are normal and to be expected. However, when they last too long and fester, this can harm your relationship through resentment, anger, guilt, criticism, and blame.

Most couples argue about communication issues, feeling unheard, money, lack of intimacy, division of household responsibilities, (mis)trust, and the stress of life transitions.

The good news is that a trained and experienced therapist can help you and your partner toward the path of positive growth and change.

Gay & Queer Couples Therapy

• No two gay or queer relationship are the same.

• Every couple has different challenges to face and their choices and outcomes will be unique to that relationship. However, many gay couples will, at some point, face some specific issue or concern.

• Talking these issues through with an experienced gay relationship therapist can help you to find ways forward and build a stronger bond with your partner.

Common Relationship Conflicts

Healing From Trauma

• Do past traumatic experiences such as sexual violence, bullying, assault, manipulation, and invalidation still haunt you?

• Did you grow up in a chaotic upbringing where your needs were rarely met?

• Are you still carrying the remnants of loss, grief, and trauma into your current relationship such as mistrust, anxiety, and fear of intimacy?

Healing From Infidelity

• Is it possible for us to restore trust?

• What helps in recovery?

• What helps to re-establish trust?

• How will I ever be able to forgive?

• So what caused the affair? I felt we had a good relationship.

Finances

• Differences in your relationship with money and material resources.

• Scarcity, growing up poor versus over spending and growing up financially privileged.

Variation in Display of Emotions

• Differences in displays of affection and emotions.

• Verbal and non-verbal expressions (e.g. silent when angry, aversion to conflict, shame).

Relationship Structures

• Exploring the possibility of or navigating a polyamorous or open relationship.

• Understanding nuances and complexities of polyamory in a sex-positive, non-judgmental way.

Interracial & Cross Cultural Relationships

• Do topics like religion, race, ethnicity, class, money, culture, ableism, and privilege come up often in your relationship?

• Do you have a hard time understanding your partner’s unique experiences?

• Can we overcome religious differences?

• Does my partner understand their areas of privilege in relation to their identities in the world and how it shows up in our relationship (e.g. whiteness, masculinity, social class)?

Minority Stress, Discrimination & Homophobia

• Do you or your partner avoid outward signs of affection to each other (e.g. holding hands)?

• Are you avoiding intimacy such as deciding to move in together or meeting your partner’s family?

• Do social events where you will be bringing your partner, cause you stress?

Differing Coping Strategies

• Wanting to discuss conflict in the moment versus avoidance of conflict.

• Using logic to solve problems vs. exploring and sharing emotions (explainers vs. experiencers).

Differing Childhoods & Upbringings

• You feel like bad, unworthy, not enough, and inadequate.

• You judge yourself more harshly than you judge others.

Gay & Queer Couples Therapy Can Help

✔️ Learn how to communicate and ask for your needs, limits, and boundaries effectively

✔️ Increase emotional intimacy, vocabulary, and expression (learning the language of emotions)

✔️ Fight more effectively, manage and deescalate conflict

✔️ Increase intimacy and vulnerability

✔️ Rebuild trust

✔️ Parent healthier children after surviving a traumatic childhood

✔️ Understand yourself and your partner better

Healing Is Possible

I am a Seattle based relationship and couples therapist using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and PACT specializing in working with:

• Gay couples and marriage counseling

• Queer men of color

• Asian immigrant and refugee diasporas

I’ve helped many couples build and practice open and loving communication, experience greater intimacy, express their love and care for each other in the way they both could hear and feel, and eventually learn to solve their problems together.

I consider many aspects of your relationship that might be contributing to distress including: race, ethnicity, gender, power, privilege, culture, migration, sexuality, trauma, religion, (dis)ability, and oppression.

Reach out today to schedule a consultation.