Self Leadership in Internal Family Systems

Sep 3

Written By Canh Tran

What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)?

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a framework/model/approach to psychotherapy created by Richard Schwartz.
Richard Schwartz began his career as a systemic family therapist and an academic. Grounded in systems thinking, Dr. Schwartz developed Internal Family Systems (IFS) in response to clients’ descriptions of various parts within themselves. He found that when the clients’ parts felt safe and were allowed to relax, the clients would experience spontaneously the qualities of confidence, openness, and compassion that Dr. Schwartz came to call the Self.
IFS focuses on clients’s parts within each person’s mental system.
These parts consist of wounded parts and painful emotions such an anger and shame, and parts that try to control and protect the person from the pain of the wounded parts.
The parts are often in conflict with each other and with one’s core Self, a concept that describes the confident, compassionate, whole person that is at the core of every individual.
IFS focuses on healing the wounded parts and restoring mental balance and harmony by changing the dynamics that create discord among the and the Self.

What Is The Self In IFS?

Underneath our collection of parts, we all have a true Self.
The therapist's job is to help the client to disentangle themselves from their parts and access the Self, which can then connect with each part and heal it, so that the parts can let go of their destructive roles and enter into a harmonious collaboration, led by the Self.
IFS explicitly recognizes the spiritual nature of the Self, allowing the model to be helpful in spiritual development as well as psychological healing.

What is Self Leadership?

When we are In Self, we embody more qualities of the 8 C’s. Therefore, we are more Self led and leading with the following qualities.
Care
Curiosity
Compassion
Clarity
Creativity
Calm
Courage
Confidence

Examples Of Being Self Led

Increased trust in yourself (what you want, what you need, what you like, what you don’t like)
Decreased need for external validation 100% of the time
Greater understanding of your own parts
Greater ability to reflect rather than react
Less agenda and structure needed in everyday life
Ongoing personal healing and development through therapy, somatic practices, journaling, etc.
Just being you and showing up as you are
And more

Specific Examples of Being Self Led

Understanding your protector parts during a conflict or disagreement where you feel misunderstood. Instead of letting your parts take over and acting from those parts, you take a pause and check in with those parts to see what they need. Maybe you learn they are protecting from you being judged or criticized. Maybe you learn they are protecting from you being seen as imperfect and flawed. Now you are able to be with these parts and give them what they need to reassure them you have their back and will protect them. In turn, you are more able to navigate this conflict and disagreement with more presence and calm. Perhaps you tell the other person, “I hear you and what you’re saying. Can you give me a moment? There is a part of me that feels overwhelmed and needs a break.” You ask for what you need and reconvene when you are more regulated or Self led, therefore having greater ability to reflect rather then reacting. Even if the other person doesn’t respect your boundaries, you ask for what you need and take your time rather than feeling the need to people please/fawn or fight/attack them.

When you are around this person, they remind of you someone else who has wounded you. Perhaps this is your mother, father, sibling, friend, classmate, or part romantic partner. Now that you have more awareness of IFS and your many parts, you check in with them and understand that this person is not your mom/dad/friend/ex-partner/classmate/etc. You slowly realize this is a projection. That is, your past wounds and experiences are now being placed on this person because it is a familiar feeling and experience. Now, you check inside of yourself and do a U-Turn. You ask yourself, “When this person is around me and I feel overwhelmed. What happens inside of me? What do I feel? What do I think? What is my first urge or instinct?” By doing a U-Turn or going inside to understand your parts better, you slowly realize what this part of you is holding, what they fear, and what they need from you when they’re around this person. As a result, you may not be best friends with this person, but you are less activated around them and have increased awareness of your triggers. Perhaps you can slowly talk to this person because you can separate the past from the present as you remind yourself this is not your mom/dad/friend/classmate/etc. You can have a conversation with this person and assert your boundaries from a place of calm and ease rather than overwhelm and panic.

What Are Myths About Self Leadership?

What Can I Do To Become More Self Led?

Canh Tran