Here are 6 of the most common things I’ve noticed as clients heal from trauma.

1. You Begin Feeling Your Emotions (Rather Than Minimizing Them)

   • You allow yourself to cry (tears are a shower for the soul)

   • You validate and more fully understand your emotions rather than try to fix or get rid of them

   • Anger begins dissipating and decreasing (turns out sadness, loneliness, confusion, helplessness, and pain was underneath)

     • See Anger Iceberg

2. Practicing Living Mindfully (Rather Than Mindlessly)

   • Rather than doing things to distract, numb, or keep busy, you start from a place of intention and value.

   • You ask yourself questions like:

     • “What does my body need right now to rest and recuperate?”

     • “Do I really want to take on this project right now if I really listen to myself?”

     • “What would really happen if I disappoint other people and tell them no?”

   • You start talking to yourself in ways like:

     • “I wonder what’s really going on underneath my need to please others right now.”

     • “This is really interesting. This pattern keeps happening over and over. Let me a pause and reflect on this right now.”

     • ”It’s okay for me to make mistakes. I’m not my mistake. I can learn from this.”

     • ”I don’t have to have all the answers to everything.”

     • ”I’m really tired and fatigued. I might say no to that invitation tonight.”

     • ”I really enjoy spending time by myself on the weekends. I want to do this more often.”

     • ”I really enjoy spending time with other people on the weekends. I want to do this more often.”

3. Your Body Releases Tension & Trauma

   • You have less somatic issues (headaches, migraines, stomaches, stress, fatigue)

   • Your body softens and relaxes because you are learning to establish safety in your body

   • You’re more welcoming of touch like hugs/embraces from other people (especially those you care about and trust)

   • You understand somatization: that some of your physical symptoms are a result of mental health or psychological issues (e.g. trauma, depression, anxiety)
     

4. You Reach Out More For Support & Ask For Help (Rather Than Isolating)

   • You slowly allow more people into your emotional inner life (your walls starts falling down)

   • You begin asking for your needs and wants (rather than assuming others can read your mind)

   • You begin understanding your needs and wants (rather than focusing on others’ needs and wants)

   • Perhaps you share more vulnerable parts of yourself with others

   • You allow others to see you cry, frustrated, sad, grieving, and helpless (humanizing yourself as perfection doesn’t exist)

   • You begin to shift the core belief of self-reliance into interdependence, community, and connection (it’s nice to spend time with certain people rather than being alone all the time)

5. You Stop Reacting Less (And Start Reflecting More)

   • You stop laughing at your traumas (You learn laughter shrinks you and a way to distract from pain)

   • Your triggers begin to guide you toward healing (rather than control and manage you; you understand where the triggers come from, what you need, and how to interrupt the cycle of sabotage)

   • You begin understanding your triggers, vulnerabilities, and stressors (and make an actionable plan moving forward)

   • You learn how to differentiate between danger, safety, and trust (especially in your body, rather than just relying on your brain/head/logic all the time)

   • You begin learning to live in the moment (rather than the past or the future; you begin slowing down and enjoying the little things)

6. You Start Grieving For What You Never Had

   • Because you allow yourself to feel and emote more, you are able to understand the concept of the inner child

   • You begin to tap into your inner child and wonder what they desperately crave and desire and since others may be unable or unwilling to give them to you, you begin the process of re-parenting your inner child

   • With grief comes rage, anger, and indignation

   • See Ambiguous Loss

This certainly is not an exhaustive list of what to expect when healing from trauma. Know that your journey is unique to you, your identities, and your experiences.

What If I’m In Therapy?

There are 3 main stages of therapy.

1. Early Stage

This stage focuses on getting to know your therapist, your therapist getting to know you, building the therapeutic relationship, and identifying what you want to work on and how to get there. 

You might feel anxious, unsure, worried, scared, and ambivalent about seeking therapy and starting treatment with a new clinician.

You’re essentially building a relationship with your therapist. Trust takes time. Don’t push yourself too much to share before you’re ready.

• Rapport building (earning trust, empathy, comfort, active listening) 

• Assessing if mutual good fit (personality, communication style, therapy approach, values) 

• Gaining more information (history, family, relationships, support, challenges, previous experiences in therapy)

• Therapist outlining what to expect and boundaries

• Therapist outlining the trajectory/journey of therapy 

• Identifying collaborative goals (focus on what client wants to work on)

• Providing education on what may be occurring (symptom, diagnosis, theories, terms)

• If not a good fit, find another therapist and end treatment 

2. Middle Stage

This stage focuses on the change/growth/transformation process.

You might begin feeling better, have increased insight (understanding why you do what you do), gain more skills/tools to use when overwhelmed and stressed, have new goals you want to work on, want to share wins and areas of growth, etc.

• Exploring themes, patterns, and dynamics

• Learning why client do what they do

• Identifying barriers/challenges and ways to interrupt cycles of sabotage with healthier behaviors/actions 

• Change 

• Trying new things outside of therapy (homework, experiments) and reporting back to see what worked and didn’t work 

• Decreasing avoidance 

• Teaching and practicing skills and tools 

3. Late Stage

This stage focuses on reviewing the past 2 stages.

Perhaps you feel more confident, calm, curious, and compassionate toward yourself and those you love.

Maybe you’re coming to session with less things to talk about or things are going well.

Perhaps you’ve plateaued with this therapist in particular and need someone else who specializes in another area or require a different approach/style.

• Summarizing work so far

• Goals are met 

• Feeling more confident in ability to handle life challenges and transitions without therapist

• Thinking about the future and ways to handle possible challenges and setbacks

• Saying goodbye and underlying feelings about loss of relationship

• Moving sessions to less frequency (every other week, monthly, once every quarter, as needed) 

Some of the things that might happen in therapy

• Disagreements, tensions, misattunement, and conflicts

• Enactments 

• Transference (previous relationship experiences in the therapeutic relationship such as expectations, fears, anxiety, worries, projections, etc.)

• Repairs (apologizing, discussing disagreements and conflict to find a resolution and acceptance)

• Illness (new health diagnoses, chronic health issues)

• Finances (insurance changes, fee increases, economic recession, being laid off/terminated from job)

• Time off (illness, vacation, and/or unexpected time off from client and therapist)

• Taking a break and pausing treatment (wanting to metabolize learning, take more time to integrate learnings, find support system, try new things outside of therapy)

• Referring out (when a client has concerns a therapist is unable to address due to lack of speciality or scope of practice)

• Losses (saying goodbye, relationship to endings, previous histories of abandonments)

• Ambivalence (a part of me finds therapy helpful, a part of me thinks I can end therapy now and I’ve gotten what I needed from it)

Read My Other Blog Posts on Trauma

• Signs & Symptoms Of Childhood Trauma in Adulthood

• More Signs You May Notice As You’re Healing From Trauma

• How Do I Heal From Childhood Trauma?

• Common Core Beliefs of Trauma Survivors

• How Trauma Affects Your Self Esteem

• Signs You Were Raised By Emotionally Immature Parents

• How Does Childhood Trauma Show Up In Romantic Relationships?

• Tips Toward Building Self Compassion For Trauma Survivors

• Why Do I Feel Unsafe With Other People As a Survivor of Trauma?

• Childhood Trauma and Adult Trust Issues. Why is it hard for me to trust others?

• What Is Trauma’s Fawn Response (People Pleasing & Appeasing)

• Unresolved Trauma and its Impacts on Relationships

• How To Release Body Tension & Stress From Trauma

Resources & Further Reading

• The Body Keeps The Score

• Somatic Experiencing

• Sensorimotor Psychotherapy

• Tension & Trauma Releasing Exercises (TRE)

• Trauma Informed Mindfulness

• What’s Happening in the Nervous System of Patients Who “Please and Appease” (or Fawn) in Response to Trauma?

• Autonomic Nervous System (Trauma & The Body)

• The Body Remembers (Babette Rothschild)

• Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation

• Parts Work: An Illustrated Guide to Your Inner Life

Trauma Resources

• Looking for more trauma resources? Click here for a list of evidenced based trauma therapies, books, and workbooks.

Read my other blog post titled More Signs You May Notice As You’re Healing From Trauma.